A Most Insidious Lie

That comfort in returning to depression
That at least if I’m panicking, I’m worrying about something
That pulling away from people
Gives them what they want:
Less of me.

That this internalized hatred,
This self-loathing and wish to be anyone else
Is my true self, my default outlook.

That this is somehow normal. Continue reading


What the hell happened?

This last week I descended into the most severe anxiety-induced depressive episode of my life. I’ve experienced two similar, though less severe, episodes since I began teaching. As I descended, I made a life altering choice. I want to explain this period and what I was going through. My goal is those who know me a closer look at what I experienced. A secondary goal of this post is to offer solidarity and to make a space for these kinds of feelings and discussions. We don’t talk about this stuff enough, and a lot of us are suffering through feelings and impulses that we keep to ourselves.

[content warning: suicidal ideation] Continue reading

An overdue update

I’m in a strange place. I’m not exactly happy, and I’m not really dissatisfied. I feel like my progress on everything I care about is going slowly. Continue reading

This is my anxiety

It’s a tingle, like an itch. From my shoulder blades down to the tips of my fingers and back. Then it reverberates in my chest. My stomach clenches, then my head swims. I remember to breathe Continue reading

Not Monsters

Trigger warning: pedophiles. I’m sharing this, because I think it is part of a larger, very important conversation. And that’s what I’m after: conversation. Please comment if you have something to say. Keep it constructive, though. I will be deleting ALL comments that do not build and further the discussion.

Slate posted this article a few weeks ago about treating pedophilia as a mental health issue. Moreover, the article suggests we should try to decrease the stigma associated with attraction to children and adolescents for the sake of those who suffer from such attractions but do not want to act on them. The article discusses some promising research regarding treatment, but also findings that pedophilia probably cannot be “cured.” It also addresses some objections to taking this approach.

Now, I agree with the premise of the article. Pedophiles are not inherently monsters. In fact, the stigma is something that has always bothered me, but defending pedophiles is a quick way to become ostracized. Unfortunately.
Continue reading